Sunday, January 1, 2012

Way to go, Kelvin….*sigh*

I'm a fraud. A phony. I go about professing about love and how love is the answer and love will save us all and how we should love everyone and blah blah blah…. but I just can't do that anymore. I mean, how can I go around telling people about love when I can't even bring myself to love ME? I just don't love myself…not one bit. I despise my very being. I loathe the image I see in the mirror. I break everything I touch and I fuck everything up for everyone.

It's only the first day of the new year and I couldn't even do something as simple as keep a new year's resolution. My new year's resolution was to do everything in my power to make this a family again….to finally bring us back to the happy family that we once were….but I can't even do that. Not even a whole day into the new year and already I got into an altercation with my mother which resulted in me choosing to stay at home while the rest of the family goes down to Anaheim to visit an old family friend. *sigh*

I'm so fucking stupid….sometimes I just don't even want to exist anymore if all I ever do is cause the people I hold dearest a bunch of pain and misery. Goddammit. I can't ever do anything right. I hate myself so much…so much for a new year and a new start….it's just the same ole stupid me, continuing to fuck everything up for people. What's the point of even living anymore? The anti-depressants are obviously not even working on me anymore. Oh well…whatever, I guess. *sigh*